Saint Jimmy
by clueless in Canada
Summary: After his death, the reborn Jamie struggles with his unknown past and his emotions for Jack, all while doing his job as an immortal. BenneFrost (JamiexJack), rated for death scene(s), language, and future yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

Saint Jimmy: 1

I am dead.

I don't know much else other than this: I am not a living human being.

My name has escaped me, my meaning now meaningless.

I can hear things, and I see lights behind my closed eyelids. I can't feel anything. I'm weightless. I feel no urgency- or any emotion at all, really.

Since I now have no concept of time, I don't know how long I stayed where I was. For all I know, I could've been moving on my own while I kept my eyes firmly closed. The lights were gone, however. Curiosity ebbed at the edge of my mind, leading to opening my eyes.

It was nighttime, with a huge, full moon and many stars. I was lying beneath a tree, a long rope hanging down towards me. My sensation started returning, and I felt a distinct soreness around my neck. What had I done? Who was I?

The moon seemed to swell, looking right at me. I clambered to my feet, and the moon became _alive_. I heard it in my mind.

_James Bennett._

A nagging memory told me that that was my name.

_Saint Jimmy._

Saint Jimmy? The name was familiar… Like a lyric to a song I heard once on the radio, or a sentence in a history book in grade school. Before I could ask anything, the moon went back to its place in the navy sky and I was alone.

I looked around for clues, anything to tell me who I was. The rope hung from the tree, telling me how I died. Why would I commit suicide? Who was I, and who am I now? I walked around the tree until the rope went out of sight. There was a long pole, topped with a menacing blade. A scythe.

I gently reached out and touched the weapon, and to my surprise, it leaned in to meet my outstretched palm. A hum of energy was emitted from the scythe, coursing through me and back into the black wood. I was surrounded by a red glow of pulsating light, comforting but not exactly warm. And then it came to me.

_I'm the patron saint of denial_

_With an angel face and a taste for suicidal_

Suicide…

Scythe in hand, I started running. The blade didn't scare me; I was already dead, wasn't I?

"Jamie! Jamie!"

_Jimmy_.

Wasn't that my name? I stopped running and looked around. White light, not quite blindingly so, but bright enough to make me blink. Suddenly, I was flung to the ground and smothered by the light.

"Oh, Jamie… Why didn't you tell me? Why?"

"Why what?" I asked the light, which by now had dampened to show a humanoid being. A familiar, ghostly pale face gazed at me in worry, tears in the form of ice droplets pelting my cheeks.

"Why did you do it? I had no idea…I should've been there for you!"

Ice spiraled on the forest floor around me, snow falling everywhere. Frost started to form on the blade of the scythe.

_Frost._

_Jack Frost._

"Jack?"

Ice blue eyes met mine, which I guessed weren't their old brown anymore by the way my friend cringed.

"Don't cry… I needed to do it. But now you won't have to miss me when I die, isn't that great?" I tried to smile.

"I should've visited more… I can't believe I wasn't there for you…"

I hushed him. "You are now, and that's what matters." I waited a moment, not wanting to upset the wintry spirit any further. "Do you know what happened to me? I don't know who or where I am… All I know is that I'm apparently Saint Jimmy…"

"You're in a forest on the outskirts of your hometown. Burgess." Jack sighed and got off me, sitting next to me with his legs folded up against his chest. "As far as Saint Jimmy goes…"

"What?"

"Come on, you don't remember?"

"I told you, I don't remember **much** at all."

Jack's smile was a sad one. "Saint Jimmy was your favorite song. You listened to its record all the time. American Idiot."

"I liked Green Day?"

He laughed. "You didn't like them. You loved them."

I shook my head. "Sorry, I don't remember."

"It's alright. Do you know who Saint Jimmy is, at least?"

"Not in the least. Care to elaborate?"

"In the song, he comes across as the patron saint of chaos, violence, drugs, suicide, anarchy, all that wonderful stuff."

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "So basically, I'm an immortal high school dropout and jailbird."

"I don't think that's true… I think Jimmy is more of a savior to the ones on the edge."

I stared at my feet. I was here to save the helpless, the desperate, and the broken.

_In the crowd of pain. St. Jimmy comes without any shame_

_He says "we're f**ked up"_

_But we're not the same_

_And mom and dad are the ones you can blame_

_Jimmy died today_

_He blew his brains out into the bay_

_In the state of mind it's my own private suicide_

"You alright, Jamie?"

I nodded numbly. Jamie. Jimmy. The names blended together. They were the same.

"Are you sure?"

I looked up this time, coming to my senses once again. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just got a little lost in my thoughts."

His face relaxed, which in turn put me at ease. "So, you really, **really** don't remember anything?"

"Not much. Only the stuff you've reminded me of so far."

"Then let me ask you this… Who do **you** think you were? Just guess."

I thought for a moment. "I'm guessing I didn't have many friends. I feel like I was the kind of person that liked books more than people. We were probably best friends, even though I was the only one my age to believe in you. I bet I liked music, based on what you've told me." I struggled to recall anything else. "I must've been really sad at one point."

Jack didn't say anything, but curled up a little tighter.

"Why was I sad?"

"I think it would be best if you found out on your own." He rocked back and forth, voice muffled in his knees.

Ice started creeping up around me, threatening to freeze me in place. I was getting tired of sighing. "You aren't upset with me for anything?"

"No, I-"

"Don't lie."

"How did you know?"

"You're subconsciously trying to flash-freeze me."

He laughed quietly. "Well, I'm not so much upset with you as I am sad **for** you."

"Why? This is my fault…"

"You're going to have to go through a lot, see a lot of stuff you'd wish you hadn't. I probably couldn't have prevented it, but I don't want you to be alone in this."

I leaned over and pulled him close. "Don't be sad. I won't be alone, since we have each other."

Jack was petite, fitting snugly under my arm. "Jamie… You really don't remember anything, do you?"

"Why are you so persistent with that?" I grumbled.

The temperature dropped about ten degrees and I felt him stiffen. "This is hard for me, too, you know. You don't remember what we went through, what we did…What we felt, nothing!"

"What are you getting at?"

"We weren't **friends**, Jamie!"

_Jimmy_.

It stung. Two things did. The fact that we weren't friends, and the fact that I was Jimmy and not Jamie, God damn it.

"Well isn't that nice, we weren't friends. Thanks for telling me sooner." I stood up, scythe in hand, and started walking away.

I was quickly stopped by an emotional Jack Frost. "I'm going to remind you of who you were…" Subzero lips pressed to mine, making me shiver. The softness, the love in the kiss, "…Jamie."

I stepped back and stared at my feet. "My name is Jimmy. You better not wear it out."

I proceeded to walk away, feeling like the biggest bastard in the history of time.

X X X

A/N: Alright, I thought I'd try my hand at some BenneFrost. PLEASE let me know if they seem OOC. PLEASE. Also, REVIEW. Or Jimmy will come get you with his scythe.


	2. Chapter 2

Saint Jimmy: 2

Thanks for the reviews! Shout outs:

blackdawn0- Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I tried to change Jack a bit. Hope he's better now!

thetalentlesswriter- Aw yeah, viva la Green Day XD Saint Jimmy will always be Saint Jimmy, the son of a b*tch we all know and love.

Review and I'll mention you next chapter :3

X X X

Time still remained a mystery to me. I wandered in and out of days, some seeming shorter or longer than others. I saw people and places I'd never dreamed of seeing. I saved lives, becoming a voice of reason to those who needed it.

_Hey Gloria, are you standing close to the edge?_

I liked my work. It was a serious business to deal with, being an anti-reaper of sorts, but I was always left with satisfied customers. However, there were others I couldn't save. I simply made the result more comfortable for them…

_Drain the pressure from the swelling,_

_This sensation's overwhelming,_

_Give me a long kiss goodnight_

_And everything will be all right_

_Tell me, Jimmy, I won't feel a thing_

I questioned my sanity. I questioned Jack. I questioned humanity. Was everything really all right? I didn't know. I was just doing my best to save and help lives.

I still felt bad for leaving Jack, but really, what good could come out of a mysterious relationship with me, an insubordinate suicide commando? I felt a sense of care towards him, even though we were now strangers. I knew I hurt him, and it was difficult for me to live knowing that. Still, I'd rather talk people down off the ledge than deal with his frigid fury.

I was no further in my search for my memory than I was when I left. I had been busy with work, honestly. It made me appreciate the time Jack had taken to visit me before I died. There was no time to be wasted- I couldn't just let someone die if I was able to do something about it. But, whenever I had a spare moment, I delved into the abyss of my memory. It was truly a black, bottomless pit.

My "home" had become a huge cathedral in London. It wasn't a true home. I gravitated towards the place I died, but couldn't return out of fear of Jack. Besides, the cathedral suited me. To each patron saint his own, I suppose.

_I'm the patron saint of denial_

_With an angel face and a taste for suicidal_

I couldn't play hide-and-seek forever, though. I went back to Burgess after some time, if not for closure than for sentiment. I sat in the tree I died under and thought, really thought, about my life. Rather, lack of one. I listed my memories.

_I had a sister (but what was her name?)_

_I had a family (where and who were they?)_

_Jack and I were in love (could I really believe that?)_

_I liked Green Day_

The last one was tacked on at the end. Maybe I should find my old iPod.

"Jimmy?"

_Jamie._

_Why does so much sh*t happen to me?_

I ignored Jack and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head.

"Don't f**king ignore me!"

At the moment, I felt colder than the spirit.

"Listen, I care about you. I get that you're different now. I get that you don't remember anything. But I'm willing to start over again if you are."

I continued to ignore him, secretly treasuring his words.

"I want to have a relationship with you. I don't care what kind, whether as friends or…otherwise. I can't let you go, though. 'No' isn't an option here."

I finally made eye contact. "I want to have what we had before, as well." I hesitated. "I'm just not sure about much right now, there's no stability or guarantees. I want to know what happened to me."

He sat on the opposite side of the tree, the side I found my scythe on. "I mean, if you really want to know… I don't want to hurt you. You know it would kill me inside to see you sad."

"Well, I can't exactly kill myself again, now can I?"

He chuckled. "No, good point."

"So?"

"I don't know your exact motives. I knew you were sad, and had been for a while. You tried to hide it. I tried to confront you about it. You kept avoiding the subject…" He paused for a moment. "It all started when Sophie got sick."

"Sophie?"

"Your sister."

"Oh."

"Anyways, she… Well, she had cancer." I could tell that he was trying to hide a great deal of sadness.

"Had?"

He swallowed hard- I could nearly hear it. "She went on to a better place. I'm sorry."

"It's alright…" The memories were coming back in waves; a small blonde girl, clinging to my waist and giggling, the girl riding a bike all by herself, playing with the Barbie dolls that Santa brought her…

"Anyways… You were apparently a perfect match as a marrow donor," Jack went on, "and you did your best to keep healthy so she'd live. Unfortunately, you were too young to donate enough sustain her."

"So… is that why she died?"

"I'm getting there, hold on. Anyways, she'd been sick a really long time. She needed new internal organs, and the marrow couldn't heal her completely. Then you got your drivers' license. You filled it out to donate your organs if you died."

I started putting two and two together. "I killed myself to give her my body."

Jack's voice wavered. "But since you became Saint Jimmy…"

"It backfired."

The silence was disturbing, so much so that I could hear the snow falling and landing on the tree. But there wasn't really much we could say, was there? I had felt so strong and important lately, but now I felt useless.

"I'm sorry, Jimmy. I know you missed her."

"I still do." I realized I was crying, for the first time since I died.

"Hey, are you alright?" Jack flew around and sat in front of me on the same branch.

"Not really." I admitted, looking away. One of my tears dripped onto my sweatshirt, and I saw that it was as red as blood.

Jack didn't say anything, but leaned forward and hugged me. I fell apart in his arms, shattered like the ice that caused him to die. And he put all my pieces back together.

_Hey Gloria, this is why we were on the edge_

_The fight of our lives' been drawn to this undying love_

X X X

A/N: How'd I do with the second chapter? I feel like I'm really going out on a limb with Saint Jimmy. I mean, I like his job as much as he does, but what do you guys think? Not realistic? I'm going to try to get at least 1,000 words per chapter (which will be hard… I'm used to writing drabble-y one shots). For future reference, most of the stuff in _italics_ that's more than one word and isn't bulleted will be either Jamie/Jimmy's thoughts or lyrics of a Green Day song. Sorry, I'm obsessed. But the lyrics really do make the story better, I think.

Speaking of making the story better, please review! Every comment helps me improve!


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